Book of Memories

Cried me some happy tears today…

Three years ago between moving around between three countries, between trying to work on the marriage, between culture shocks of living in China and reverse culture shock of moving back to my home country…

Thought I had lost this book.

Until one hot Sunday afternoon while digging into boxes after boxes of my family stuff I saw it…

It lays on the top shelf of my father’s bookcase, covered in dust from God only knows how long it’s been there for.

My heart beat faster as I wiped the dust off. Tracing the plastic covered front…

“Days of Discovery”

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet welcome my finger as I traced the cover.

A piece of glossy photo paper fell through as I opened the book.

It’s a boy!

A picture of you laying on your tummy with our beloved Elvis faithfully by your side just the way he used to watched you until his very last days.

A smile drew on my face as I read the words on your Birth Announcement/Thank You card.

As I flipped to the “A Very Grand Thing…Is About To Happen” pages my heart was swollen with love.

Reading through my cravings records, I smiled again remembering how your father had finally found some ‘spicy’ fried chicken at Church’s or how my friend in Las Vegas had to mail me some traditional Indonesian snacks.

Of how pre-natal classes were a no go because all classes were conflicted with your father’s work schedule and I couldn’t drive.

Gratitude flushes me over as memories of how a dear dear friend from Birmingham, AL had arranged my baby shower just to be forced to cancel it on last minute because I was hospitalized and were forced to stay in bed. They surprised me by coming all the way to Dothan and gave me the baby shower…that’s almost 200miles driving. These people hold a special place in my heart.

Handwritten names of my Indonesian friends in Alabama who sent presents were written down in the book, even when they couldn’t make it. It was still one of the sweetest surprises I ever had.

6 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long…

Your entrance was in such a little unexpected-mad-dash-way. Mentally, I wasn’t ready although my severe preeclampsia has been threatening since the 30th week. I never even know what contractions even feel like.

Reading through this book…

Seeing the missing spaces where I didn’t fill them out brought back the memories of those dark days where I didn’t feel like myself, where your cries made me cried too in frustrations, where I was overwhelmed with breastfeeding – pumping – breastfeeding to increased your weight (you were so tiny!), where I felt so alone, disconnected from everything, where darkness filled me.

The last thing I wrote in there was on the question “When YOU first slept through the NIGHT: Saturday night, February 24, 2007.”

Part of those early days, early months felt blurry as if my mind was in a haze. Yes, I remember the first time you coo beautifully, the first time you had your first meal of rice cereal or the first time we took you to the beach on Memorial Day weekend.

My brain may fail to remember the day-to-day things we both did in your first year of life. Forgive me for that, my son.

This heart is swollen with so much love and gratefulness to have this precious piece of memories returned to me, my little keepsake.

With your 5th birthday coming up in two months it’s hard to believe you are no longer a baby.

Mommy loves you Alexander…my precious Lil’ A.

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13 thoughts on “Book of Memories

  1. Dhi Reply

    Most precious gift ever to mothers, baby photos of our precious one. Nyesel juga gw ga sempet bikin banyak foto minggu pertama Bri lahir. Love the photo of lil A and Elvis. Hahhaha, cute name for a dog.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thanks Dhi! Yep I have so many pictures but I’m so bad at actually print them out 😀 One day I will do that. Elvis itu dari Alex lahir udah sayang banget sama dia hehehe he’s like a little Baby Monitor back then.

  2. Bicultural Mama Reply

    A beautiful tribute to your son. I, too, have a baby book that needs to be completed as it goes beyond the first year. Your post just reminded me to pull it down from the shelves to fill the blank pages. Your love for your son is so obvious and profound, I hope he loves reading this post one day.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thank you so much, Maria. I still have to fill out some of the pages as well. I was so sad when I thought I had lost it somewhere between our move to China and back to Indonesia so just finding it again just sent me over the moon. It may look like a simple book but it holds the memories of our children isn’t? 🙂

  3. Saundra Rohn Reply

    Dear Daughter,
    This was perfect for my Birthday today. Memories are the most precious things we have to hold onto♥
    So thankful you were blessed with finding his baby book again♥
    Love you,

  4. Jessica Reply

    I’m so happy to hear you found this book of memories. What a wonderful book to go back and reflect on the first couple years of your son’s life.

  5. Nami Reply

    Oh gosh – I’m crying. This was a beautiful post and so true. It seems so long ago and yet it seems like just yesterday. Post partum depression or not, being a new mom is a lonely journey. Looking back makes you smile and ache at the same time but I think we all agree, we’re lucky to be here. Thanks for sharing this.

  6. Lindsey van NIekerk Reply

    Oh! So happy that you found Alexander’s book! Those types of memory items are irreplaceable! I love the 2 scoops one heart phrase at the top of your blog….that is beautiful! Having grown up in one country, my parents being from another, and my husband being from YET another….I really get it!

    Nice to “meet” you!

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