“Don’t put your eggs in one basket.”
I still remember that advice given to me by a well meaning friend. A fellow single mom who also went through a lot.
Although I understand where she is coming from, I used to believe that. Yet, I can’t follow her advice anymore and let me explain to you why.
Back then, I went on dates with jerks because I thought I hate to be alone. Ended up meeting the wrong guys because hey, I was still a total mess deep inside. Plenty of unresolved anger, mixed up with bitterness. I held on to the “You betrayed me!” feelings and flashed that card a lot!
Crashed and burned because clearly looking back, now I realized I wasn’t ready to date.
So I spent some times alone…nearly a year off of the dating world.
Found something that I am passionate about, doing things that I love. Getting fit. And in those moments where I focused on ME that I finally realized that happiness is an inside job. Working out, keeping fit, inspiring others to get fit…those things makes me happy. They enrich my life. They give me joy. I realized I can be happy on my own because it really came from within me.
Then after I thought I was ready to date and yet another dating disaster, I said that’s it! Dating here really is cray cray! But I didn’t dwell too much out of it, I was able to laugh about the crazy dating experience even talked about it on a radio interview!
Until that day…
He came into my life. Unexpectedly. Suddenly.
Then everything changes.
We hit it off right from the start.
We both love working out…score!
We both take healthy eating seriously…double score!
We both are expressive with our words…triple score!
The connection we both felt…he could explain it to you better than me! Oh, believe me, one day I’ll get him to post here.
And I could go on and on.
Unexpectedly love came knocking at my door politely and I opened the door. I invited love to come into my life.
Am I scared?
At first, when I feel he is getting closer and closer and my heart can no longer resist him…fears dropped by.
I told him about my fears, about my doubts.
He understood and he held my hand while he softly said “Just please stop talking about before, M. I am now, I am the future, you are my now and my future. Well, I believe you are, I hope you are…I want that you are…”
And I closed my eyes to let his words sink deeper into my soul. Washing my fears away.
When we talked about our future together, I got scared. Intense profound fears because I haven’t opened myself up this much before. Being vulnerable because I have allowed my heart to trust him.
Fears turned into sadness and negative self-talk again.
While he just stands there holding his hand out for me to hold. Saying he would help me. He understands. He’s there for me willing to help.
Trust is Within Me
That’s what I realized finally. I need to fully trust myself that I am with the right person, the one who deserves my love, my commitment. I need to listen to my heart.
Things have been flowing naturally since day 1, there’s no forcing it, no games…just two people feeling pulled together by something beyond our power. And we enjoy every moment of it. We are managing our relationship daily.
He has all the qualities of a man that I jotted down awhile back in my diary plus more!
So I am drawn to him, into his beautiful soul just the way he’s captivated by me.
I decided to give love another chance because I love myself enough now to know that peace, love, and happiness come from within me.
“I am the mirror of you, M” that’s what he would often say and it took me awhile to fully understand what that meant.
When I am centered, when I have abundant joy, when love is overflowing from within me, I am attracting love from the universe. And he came into my life.
And I am trusting myself enough to know better now, to know that I don’t need a man to complete me but someone who can accept me completely.
And as I’m typing this I have a big smile on my face. My heart is so full of love. Not just for him but for life. For everything that has brought me here to this very day.
I can’t give partial love for the fear that he would walk out on me.
Now, I believe the love that he and I share is wonderful, it is strong because we believe in our own selves in the soul-connection we both feel.
The road is still long but we choose love…I choose love. I choose to be positive about us, to walk by faith.