“Would you like to see a movie or get a massage?”
“Can we do both?” he flashed me his big puppy eyes, knowing it had worked its charms in the past.
“No, we can only do one this weekend. So…what’s your pick?”
Please pick the massage…please pick the massage…I secretly crossed my fingers as I lowered my backpack to the floor.
“Massage! I haven’t had a massage for a long time.”
“YAY! Yes, let’s do that. We will leave in an hour, ok?”
“Ok, Mommy!” He ran downstairs to tell his Oma that we would go get a massage while I changed, then lay on the bed for a while, then Skype my special someone.
I made it to Saturday, and although I couldn’t keep my promise of having Saturday off, I could still take him out doing something together, although my whole body just wanted a long nice uninterrupted sleep.
“But Mommy, I’m hungry…” said the boy who has been on a growth spurt.
“Ok, we can eat there before the massage.”
Then off we went to the mall. He picked a small restaurant. He looked so happy, this boy of mine. A guilty feeling pulled my soul and squeezed it hard, seeing how simple things like going out just the two of us made his beautiful eyes shine brighter than usual.
That working mom’s guilt.
I have been so stressed, stretched beyond my expectations, burnt out, and coming home every night exhausted. Leaving very much a short fuse to motherhood. It wasn’t pretty, and I felt I was failing him. The inner voices have been ugly and mean, like a live-in bully in my head.
He’s been having difficulty adjusting to returning to school after a long summer break. I got that dreaded school note from his homeroom teacher in less than a week. She wanted to see me.
I feel more defeated than ever…
So we came up with a new plan. To approach him like an adult, not like the eight years old that he is. I know this may not be the right way – but it works – so I will stick to it.
I told him this was only temporary. His mother works all the time. This is not permanent, and our future will be different.
“I like it when you work from home…” he said softly as I lay beside him on his bed one night.
“I like that too, but for now, this is our reality…we will make it up and have Saturdays as OUR day. How bout that?” I was thankful for the darkness of the room that hid my tears.
“Yes!”
So last Saturday we started our first Saturdate. Early dinner followed by a much-needed massage followed by a haircut for him.
It may not be much or fancy, but I ignored the phone for several precious hours and focused on him. My son, my boy…and his happiness shines brightly like a flame that fuels my energy to keep going.
For one day, my son…things will change for the better.
There is a lot being said for talking to kids like an adult. They understand a lot more than we give them credit for I think.
Time is a luxury for most people these days and it is easy to forget what is truly important to us all! Well done and spending quality time the way you wanted!
Aamiin for you both. He’s so precious, and you are a great mom. :))
That is soo great! I’m sure he’ll remember and cherish these moments for a long time.
I can not even begin to imagine what it is like to be away from him and only have saturdays to yourself but you’re doing the best that you can do and that for now it that
It’s so great to be able to be present with them in the time that we have. It’s difficult to keep everything managed well enough to keep that time open and unintruded upon though.
It’s great when you can sit your kids done and have an honest person to person (not kid to adult) conversion. I always loved that about my mom. She always spoke to my sister and I as equals not little kids <3
It definitely sounds like it’s tough for both of you. It’s great that you’re making use of the time you get to spend together though.
Kids like it better when you talk to them like they were adults. Your first Saturdate sounds like fun. That was a precious moment that you will both treasure in the years to come.
I know all too well what it means to be exhausted at the end of the day. I do my best to keep up but sometimes it’s hard. Coffee for the win! 🙂
Oh sometimes its so hard being a parent, mom or dad and being pulled in two different directions, work and parenthood, finding the time to provide for your family and spend time with them can be really trying. Your boy sounds so sweet.
I think saturdate with the kids is a good habit. It’s hard to squeeze in but it’s worth it.
This is one of my goals in the future when I have my own kids already, to give ample time to them and make them feel that family will always be a priority. Thanks for your Saturdate example!
Having a date with your kid is really fun, every weekend were trying to make a date of course with kids. That is a good habit keep it up 🙂
I know that feeling, but somehow I realized that in order to take better care of my kids, I have to be in top shape. That’s the time I started making time for me, so that I can also get some much deserved pampering.
I thought I would go through working mom guilt. Then something big happened and now I’m praying for FT very good work, that i can get to easily. Life is full of surprises, sometimes they’re huge.