She woke up before her alarm beeping…as usual. It was 4:30 in the morning and it is still dark outside.
Quietly she moved that little feet that pushed her back before she got out of bed. Splashed some water on her tired face she then proceed downstairs…creeping slowly.
Make herself one of those yucky instant coffee because she cannot afford a real coffee maker – plus she can’t find her beloved liquid creamer in store.
She then sat by her computer desk. Boot up the old-quickly-overheated-then-shut-down-by-itself-laptop to play her morning tunes.
She reached for her bible then started her ritual.
By 5 she took a shower, made a second cup of instant coffee. Creep back upstairs, turned the reading lamp down low just so she can see in the darkness. Picked a shirt and short for the boy to wear to school, picked what to wear to work.
Got his little backpack ready. Checked his Parents Communication book to make sure she doesn’t miss a thing. Got his snack packed.
She then prepped herself up for work.
By 6 she’s on the road…with her faithful father driving her to work way earlier than most of her colleagues. She usually got to work at 6:30 – depends on the traffic – usually before 7.
Her office would still be dark, the cleaning service kid swiping the floor and greeted her “Good morning, Mbak.” She unlocks the door with the sign “Authorized Person Only”. She’ll turn her computer up, sending out text messages to her boss, reminding him of his appointments of the day.
Due to time differences, she usually already has gotten some emails waiting on her inbox.
People to fly, tickets and hotels to book, designated drivers to pick up the managers, documents to scanned, documents to file, travel related invoices that needs to be work on, these are just tiny frictions of her daily routines now.
It may not sounds much but there is always something.
Usually she tries to leave work on time by 4 just so she can have some times to spend with the boy waiting at home. But sometimes that’s not the case and she had to stay longer and then she’ll be at the mercy of traffic.
With her son in school, he goes to bed at 8pm and she will be lucky if she can get home by 6 just to spend 2 hours of cuddle times. So it breaks her heart when her son prefers the nanny…
After spending a whole day glued to her computer at work, she comes home exhausted. Her eyes tired and heavy. Oh she still gets online and tweeted when she can but to sit down and enjoy reading the blogs she love has become a luxury she can’t afford lately.
She had stopped checking her blog’s status. What’s a google analytics again?
When she’s not working Saturday, she will spend the day being a full mommy and send the nanny home. Nanny goes home every weekend anyway but usually on Sunday when she have to work Saturday.
She is exhausted…
She tries to enjoy life again by hanging out with friends when she can but she then feels guilty for not spending that time with her boy.
She barely has time to just sit and stop to think anymore. She’s like a machine that have to make money to make ends meet and trying so hard to be there for her son.
Clearly 24 hours a day is not enough in her life.
She started to drop a thing or two because her hands simply cannot possibly juggle it all. Blogging had sadly slipped away from her fingers. She feels like a stranger in Twitterville because she can’t follow some of the conversations, she had lost track of the blogging trends. She feels like a stranger standing amongst other parents in her son’s school. She feels like a bad parent when she can’t come to every single school’s events. Her DSLR camera is now just sitting collecting dust while she can only manage to take pictures with her cell phone.
She is overwhelmed…
She may not be hopping around the blogsphere much but she surely misses it and thanking everyone who stick by her even when Twitter has become her way to stay connected.
aww….remember you’re giving your baby the best life possible – thru your hard work each and every day. we mom’s do what they can to see their children cared for. it’s different for everyone, yes, but we all have their best interests at heart and a few moments of real quality time is far better than endless amounts of wasteful togetherness. keep going! it’ll pay off in the end 😀
The life…. of a working mommy…. is exhausting… I’ve been lucky in that I try to do most of my work on the weekends when Lil M is with her dad… but anyhow you look at it… its exhausting… and there are never enough hours in a day.. hearts and hugs to you… 🙂
That’s a long day. I hope you’re having a restful weekend with lots of cuddles!
This really got to me. I spent so many years living this life. I want you to know its worth every second. Two of my three kids are grown and they are the MOST amazing people ever, they made it easier for my youngest. I know how tired you are and how torn. I will pray good restful moments for you and your son. Thanks for sharing this
Thank you for sharing a look into your day with us. You’re loved and not forgotten, promise. Don’t worry about your son preferring the nanny, it only seems that way and it’s a phase you’ll get pass. My son once made me feel that way too. Today I visited with an old friend, I use to babysit her son when he was 3 and she also said she use to feel like her son preferred me. But I never saw it that way because he clearly missed his mom and it was part of my job to keep him occupied with love and play so he didn’t dwell on her absence. She just felt that way for a little while. She can think back on it with relief and smile at her assumptions, he’s almost 20 now.
You’re a strong lady. You’ll do great things and you’re already a great mom. Don’t ever doubt that.
Hugs to you Maureen.
Amazing some of the similarities of a single mom half way across the world. I hate that I forget there are others in vastly different situations sometimes. I’m thankful for moms like you to remind me. There just aren’t enough hours in a day, that’s for sure. But if a day were 48 hours, we’d probably only end up working 44 and sleeping 4 anyway. Thank you for sharing one of your days with us.
I nominate you and your blog for an award… just head on over here to pick it up… copy paste to your own blog should you choose to accept just do as I have done above… or something like that 🙂 Congrats to you… but most of all thank-you for your beautiful heartfelt posting, keeping it real, and inspiring me by opening up your hearts and souls here in bloggy land 🙂
I nominate you and your blog for an award… just head on over here to pick it up…here http://iloveyoutothemoonmommy.blogspot.com/2011/03/check-your-comments.html and copy paste the award to your own blog should you choose to accept just do as I have done above… or something like that 🙂 Congrats to you… but most of all thank-you for your beautiful heartfelt posting, keeping it real, and inspiring me by opening up your hearts and souls here in bloggy land 🙂
Hi there lady,
Glad to hear from you again as it has been a while. I imagined you were busy and moving forward with work and life. A mom’s got to do what a mom’s got to do. 🙂 Sending you hugs from across the pond. 🙂
Elizabeth
hi maureen..
I feel the same with you… thank’s for sharing…
but dont give up …just dont give up… your son will know how much you love him… he must be know… semangat..!!!^^
Hey there, lovely lady. Still check for your new posts all the time and I savor each one you make. Hang in there, you will always have a fan.
We will always be here waiting. We all know how hard it is. Big hugs to you. I have missed you xo
Get some rest and take a mini vacation – even if it is in your own bedroom 🙂
Sending love and hugs your way. I truly admire your dedication to your son and all the hard work you do. <3
Hi sweets! think of you often and miss you!! love, Kerry xoxo
Maureen, my heart goes out to you! Trust me when I say that I was where you are now about three months ago. It’s tough. My best advice is to remember to breathe, make time for yourself and the things that are important to you to keep your sanity. And, remember, this too shall pass! Hugs!