It was time…
I’ve held back long enough and the time had finally arrived.
So I opened that small drawer in my closet. Had to dig, took a few things out before my hand felt it. A golden small box.
Time freezes as I pulled it out of the drawer and sat on the edge of my bed that morning, two days ago.
As I opened the lid up, there lays two rings with a broken symbol. Something I haven’t seen in nearly two years.
The first ring…
Was something that I used to think of as the most beautiful thing I had ever worn. A token that I thought I was going to keep forever when it was first given to me 7 years ago.
I lift the small ring…it was dull probably from wear and tear or just from me not wearing it for so long. It had lost its sparkles, one that blinded me 7 years ago. The hope it symbolizes of a new beginning had died but I still remember vividly of how over the moon I felt when he got on that one knee and popped the question.
Fast forward to two years ago, he refused to take it back, instead, he slid it back into my purse when I picked up boxes of my belonging before I left the apartment for one last time after he and I said our final goodbyes.
Carefully I put that ring back into the box.
I picked the second ring…
It was bigger, brushed with one small diamond encrusted in it. Ironically, it was only 3 years old. My parents got that as a present in 2009 when Mr. X and I had our church ceremony. It replaced the original wedding bands. Yes, he and I didn’t get the church ceremony until 4 years after the initial civil wedding.
Ironic, because at the time my marriage was already at the edge of a cliff – no one knew about it.
The saddest part was my parents really looked so happy that day. Me, their one and only daughter had finally gotten the church’s blessing! My father shed happy tears…albeit the fact that it took place at my parents’ house lead by a pastor not at a church like I’ve always dreamed of growing up.
Those rings may seem perfectly normal in another eye.
But not in mine…
To me, they are beyond broken. They are invisibly shattered. The moments he stepped out of the circle of what suppose to be a holy matrimony band – he broke the rings. The vows meant nothing.
So today was bitter-sweet…
Sitting at the jewelry store today, watching the jeweler examined those rings… I knew I am letting go one last piece of evidence from my past life. My Mom sat next to me. She didn’t say much. My son happily swirling the stool around. That boy is my only evidence left of the marriage that ended two years ago.
I looked down at my bare fingers…
The pale spot on my ring finger had disappeared. I had stopped the subconscious movement of the fingers to adjust those rings that were no longer there like I used to do for years.
My fingers may be empty for now. But one day…I can see someone sliding something in there again someday and it will be different. There won’t be any trip like this to resell it because those rings will be mine forever.
And I smile…
My heart was lighter.
9 thoughts on “Final Pieces”
Hahahhahaa sent it back to the jewelry store, and take the money :p
Never been divorced, but in our 6 years of marriage, neither of us really wear our rings either. In fact, I think we just bought those rings (umm… some stainless steel band, no bling no nothing except for the inscription inside bearing our names) for the sake of formality.
Like.. you know, wedding ceremony usually comes with the exchange of ring? So we did.
So… well.. I guess it never did matter to us. I imagine if I were in your position, I would do the same like Eryka, though. Money is always useful, haha…
This is beautiful, Maureen. Rings do symbolize so much so the fact that you have given your old rings away is such a big step. I know of many divorcees who hold on to their rings and, as a result, are never really ever able to let go. Letting go is hard. But it’s necessary for us to move forward. You will someday get that ring that will stay on your finger forever. I say it all the time, but I’m really confident of that. You are a strong woman. I admire you so much for that.
I am so so SO proud of you. Look at you taking all these steps, jumps, strides forward. This is so good for your soul and for you to heal.
You’re doing a fabulous job Mama.
Your son was a product of love – those rings really were the last product of your marriage. That’s why they could be sold. Next time, it WILL be a whole lot better…because now, you know what counts. Good job!
Happy for you Maureen! A very moving piece. I am excited for you. Whatever life brings, you have become a better and stronger person because you chose to be one.
Beautifully written as always. My friend sold hers to a jewelry store and she put the money in her twins’ college funds.
My ex had once taken my ring and smashed it with a hammer, so I didn’t have a ring for the last 2 years of our marriage. That’s just as good a symbol as any of what our marriage was!
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