This post is inspired by Chopper Papa. So thanks, Kyle!
On his video of He Says, She Says series – Dating on Purpose (and why you date losers) , they’re talking about the list, of the “Must Haves” and the “Must Never Haves” when it comes to dating.
It really strikes a chord with me, as I secretly created one a couple of weeks ago.
What made me write down with a book and an actual pen?
Not quite sure why really…I just knew I had to write them down.
I’m at a point in my life where casually dating just doesn’t cut it anymore. After my relationship with Mystery Man ended, I realized I wanted more out of a relationship. The end of that 6 months relationship made me realized that. Yes, it was short lived but it opened up my heart, my consciousness.
Maybe that’s what drove me to write a really clear list of what I want from a man.
Funny enough, before I got married, I never have an actual list.
Kyle’s video pointed some really true things and one of them is about how one must make peace with one’s self first and foremost before they can make a real list of the man/woman’s personalities that they want.
Before I met Mystery Man, that’s what I thought I did…I did a lot of soul-searching. Hang my dating shoes, literally.
Took a break because the whole casual dating thing started to wear me out. Then I met him. I fell in love. Things happened. We broke up. Life goes on.
After that broke up, I did try to dip my toes back into the dating pool again.
It didn’t go very well. Seriously, it’s a jungle out there.
So for the second time, I hang my dating shoes.
Instead of focusing so much on finding love again, I focus on me. I do things that I love, I’m busy working. Despite the occasional loneliness, I am perfectly fine being alone instead of going through countless of different men who really didn’t meet my “Must Haves” list.
Being that I am working from home, I really didn’t get to go out a whole lot to meet people. Even my best friend said, “Where can you meet a good guy?” I laughed and said “My questions exactly!” but she knows that I’m not out on a hunt. That I had passed those crazy times and I wanted something more. I’m ready to settle down.
Other than our occasional night outs, I just don’t go out much and even those are so not the right times to meet potential guys. We went out, we always had great times and that’s it. Plus, I think I’m old enough to know that you really can’t take guys you meet on these kinds of night outs too seriously.
My dating life is pretty much non-existent right now and surprisingly, I am perfectly fine with that. Call it a dry spell, I don’t mind it at all.
After several weird dates, I think I am happily hanging my dating shoes again. Mentally, that is better than to settle for less just to have someone beside me. Finding my own happiness is a journey and I did found them yet the journey continues.
For now, life is grand…I’m enjoying my alone time doing things that I love and stop looking.
Maybe one day, the right guy will come along and he will find me.
Do you have your own “Must Haves” and “Must Never Haves” list when it comes to dating?
On a ligther note: my dear friend and fantastic mentor Vanita is having a huge sale on her awesome Google Love Course. I vouch for her awesomeness, her classes greatness so go ahead and sign yourself up ASAP. She’s having a big sale on her upcoming course starting September 24, 2012. Use this code: SAVE60BUCKS and you can join the course for $60. Click on this button.
girl, as you take care of you and love yourself, you’ll see, you’ll attract the right kinda guy without even thinking of it, without expecting it, without trying. don’t hold too fast to lists, they may make you miss out on the guy that’s right for you. you are a loving caring strong beautiful intelligent woman. keep loving you, doing what’s good for you and the right guy will see you the same way.
You are just too awesome, you know that?! Thanks so much, V! I am doing just that right now. Enjoying life, loving myself, taking care of myself and letting go to let the universe bring that right man into my life.
It’s when you’re not looking, that he will find you. Seriously. That’s how it happened for me and for many I know. Love and its mysterious ways. 🙂
Amen for that! Thanks, Alison. I’m done ‘searching’ and decided the heck with it and just loving myself, make myself happy because when the right man comes along he would only top of my already abundance of happiness in life. I’m done thinking a man can make me happy lol 😉
YES!!! And it is getting more and more descriptive. Each man I date gets better than the one before. I am getting closer, and cannot wait to meet the man that has been looking for me, as well! He is going to be one amazing man.
So awesome for you Erin! He sure will be one lucky dude to have someone as fantastic as you 😀
It’s great you are living your life. Too many people live their life waiting for someone to complete them so they can truly live. If you aren’t complete by yourself, I don’t see how you can be with someone else. Good for you for being strong and smart enough to realize that!
Thank you Gina, I had realized that my own happiness is entirely in my own hands not waiting for some knight in shinning armor to come rescue me. Hah! I’m so with you, it took me awhile to fully understand that until I am completely happy with myself that I will attract the right man not just “Mr. Right Now” 😀
Although your post is filed under single mommyhood I can reply, can’t I? Guess it’s to late now to say “NO you can’t”…
You know what? It’s for a girl not so much different from what it is for a man. Of course we men have the ‘perfect’ woman all figured out in our little one-way man brain but what are the chances that’s going to happen? First one needs to be able to take care of ones self before we can take care of another person. Be happy with yourself and work from there. I had my wild dating times after I divorced 12 years ago. Was that fun? Yes. Did it make me happy? No.
First things first. And then… when you least expect it (and not unimportant if YOU are ready) ‘something’ will happen.
To answer your question at the end of your post: An absolute ‘Must Have’ would be “She should give me freedom and room to breathe, a chance do my own thing” and “She must be faithful and honest AND my best friend”. Wow, looking at that list I’m kinda picky, don’t you think?
Jan, of course you are always welcome to comment here!
Thank you for sharing your perspective from a man’s point of view. Yup, I’m so with you while it’s fun to go on wild dating spree, it actually ended leaving me feeling empty at the end that’s why I’m done with casual dating and just focus on me first.
I’m with you on the best friend thing. I strongly believe that you must be best friend with your lover to have a solid strong foundation.
Nah, you’re not picky! You’re awesome! 😀
Awwww *kicks dirt* 😉
I so love and admire that you’re taking the time to take of you, doing what you love, taking a break when you need it.
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