Book of Memories

Cried me some happy tears today…

Three years ago between moving around between three countries, between trying to work on the marriage, between culture shocks of living in China and reverse culture shock of moving back to my home country…

Thought I had lost this book.

Until one hot Sunday afternoon while digging into boxes after boxes of my family stuff I saw it…

It lays on the top shelf of my father’s bookcase, covered in dust from God only knows how long it’s been there for.

My heart beat faster as I wiped the dust off. Tracing the plastic covered front…

“Days of Discovery”

Winnie the Pooh and Piglet welcome my finger as I traced the cover.

A piece of glossy photo paper fell through as I opened the book.

“It’s a boy!”

A picture of you laying on your tummy with our beloved Elvis faithfully by your side just the way he used to watched you until his very last days.

A smile drew on my face as I read the words on your Birth Announcement/Thank You card.

As I flipped to the “A Very Grand Thing…Is About To Happen” pages my heart was swollen with love.

Reading through my cravings records, I smiled again remembering how your father had finally found some ‘spicy’ fried chicken at Church’s or how my friend in Las Vegas had to mail me some traditional Indonesian snacks.

Of how pre-natal classes were a no go because all classes were conflicted with your father’s work schedule and I couldn’t drive.

Gratitude flushes me over as memories of how a dear dear friend from Birmingham, AL had arranged my baby shower just to be forced to cancel it on last minute because I was hospitalized and were forced to stay in bed. They surprised me by coming all the way to Dothan and gave me the baby shower…that’s almost 200miles driving. These people hold a special place in my heart.

Handwritten names of my Indonesian friends in Alabama who sent presents were written down in the book, even when they couldn’t make it. It was still one of the sweetest surprises I ever had.

6 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long…

Your entrance was in such a little unexpected-mad-dash-way. Mentally, I wasn’t ready although my severe preeclampsia has been threatening since the 30^th week. I never even know what contractions even feel like.

Reading through this book…

Seeing the missing spaces where I didn’t fill them out brought back the memories of those dark days where I didn’t feel like myself, where your cries made me cried too in frustrations, where I was overwhelmed with breastfeeding – pumping – breastfeeding to increased your weight (you were so tiny!), where I felt so alone, disconnected from everything, where darkness filled me.

The last thing I wrote in there was on the question “When YOU first slept through the NIGHT: Saturday night, February 24, 2007.”

Part of those early days, early months felt blurry as if my mind was in a haze. Yes, I remember the first time you coo beautifully, the first time you had your first meal of rice cereal or the first time we took you to the beach on Memorial Day weekend.

My brain may fail to remember the day-to-day things we both did in your first year of life. Forgive me for that, my son.

This heart is swollen with so much love and gratefulness to have this precious piece of memories returned to me, my little keepsake.

With your 5^th birthday coming up in two months it’s hard to believe you are no longer a baby.

Mommy loves you Alexander…my precious Lil’ A.