Being a single mom and trying to figure out how in the world am I ever gonna date again is definitely not an easy walk in the park. Thanks God for the blogsphere and twitter that connect me with so many other great single moms out there whose not only been giving me a lot of supports and inspirations but a chance to share their stories, their thoughts through Guest Posting.
Meet Jessica, gorgeous multi-talented (she’s a singer!) and witty single mom of two beautiful children. She blog over at Single Motherhood Bliss and we ‘met’ through Twitter when I tweeted about looking for Guest Bloggers for Tatter Scoops. Please give her a warm welcome and follow her on Twitter and check out her blog. Psst…for all men out there, you guys should read her post An Open Letter To All Men.
So I’ve been sitting on this blog post for a while, wondering what’s too personal to say on a blog and how exactly do I get this out.
And then the opportunity to do a guest post for Maureen arose and I stupidly volunteered to write a post on relationships and dating as a single mom. Big mistake.
See, here’s the thing: You would think that, as in most fields, more experience would equate to higher knowledge of the subject. But let me assure you, it does not. I find that the more I date (or marry, as the case may be) and fail, the LESS I know about marriage and dating. And truthfully, the ONLY thing that I know about dating as a single mom is that I really, REALLY don’t have a clue.
As I am currently exiting my most recent failed relationship (yes, it’s over and I haven’t even announced it on MY blog yet) I’ve found myself to be completely and utterly reeling. The more I think, “this is the one” and the more it turns out not to be, the more I doubt myself when the next “one” comes along.
But alas, I digress. This really isn’t about MY relationships as much as it is about relationships as a single mom. And the more I try and write some “all knowing” post about the subject and hope for the type of response I got when I wrote about what women want, the more I realize it just simply isn’t possible!
So, instead of making some pathetic attempt at telling you how to date as a single mom, I’m going to ask you: How in the HELL do you date as a single mom??
How do you make a “fake” family feel like a real one? When and how do you ease your boyfriend into the scene and what if you do it too soon? I did it too soon and my break up left my children upset and wondering why he left and when will they get a “real dad”…
How do you protect your kids from the potential disaster that ANY relationship can turn into? What it, God forbid, I turn in to “that” mom who’s bedroom door is a revolving door for men? (Not likely, but still!)
When you look at it, this single motherhood stuff is relatively new. 60 or so years ago you didn’t dare leave your husband and if you did, how did you support yourself?
But now we do. Now we do it all and we deal with new relationships and, even harder, we deal with break ups and divorce. And we do it all while raising children. That’s no easy feat!
Getting through whatever situation left us single parents is hard enough. Jumping back into dating? And worse, breaking up again? That’s rough stuff. And if you happen to figure out the magic formula to it all, bottle it and sell it, because I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels rather clueless.
So I may not have the answers to dating as a single mom and I’m sure I probably know less about it today than I did yesterday; but one thing I do know for sure is that some how or another we do it. We get through it and we do our best. We try and we fail and we pick ourselves back up again. And maybe, just maybe, someday we’ll get it right.
6 thoughts on “On Dating and Relationships as a Single Mom”
I don’t have an answer…my good friend is a single mom of twin toddlers after she found out her husband had been cheating on her with a 23 year old from work for over 18 months – while my friend was pregnant! It explained why he was not supportive of her during the pregnancy nor after the twins were born. She is not dating yet, but believe when the right person comes along it’ll happen. It’s tough when relationships don’t work out. The only silver lining is that it’s better to know now versus later, but it’s still hard to go through either way.
Aw man, that sucks for your friend. Cheating is the worst.
I agree on the silver lining part! I just always feel like I would have liked to have know even SOONER, ya know?
Ah well. C’est La Vie, right?
When I decided I was ready to date as a single mom I told myself:
I want to get married to my best friend this will take dating a guy for two years.
I want a man who wants to be a father maybe even a single dad. I will know it is a good match when the kids come first.
I have been single since my pregnancy so I had all those years of play dates and park days in my 20’s when I hoped someone might come along. I only wanted to get involved with someone that could stick around as a friend even if the relationship did not last.
Then and now I was only interested in men who were serious about settling down not guys that just wanted to date and see what happens or leave it at that.
The years passed without much in the way of viable candidates but I was also focused on the life I was creating as a homeschooling mother etc.
Then faith and a relationship with God kicked back in.
The more I hear about the shark infested dating pool the more I do not miss it. I had this idea occur to me and then I heard a while later a guy who had a similar idea had written a book about it and his experience.
I Kissed Dating Good Bye bye Joshua Harris. It requires faith and I know that not everyone has that. I am not even saying it is an easy walk.
It is just comforting to know I am waiting for someone who shares my faith, can see himself as a father figure and is ready to become a husband. Between that and wanting someone my age it keeps me from looking at every eligible bachelor that passes by. With my focus in the right place there will be no heartache.
I am usually the heart breaker anyway. I do not let my heart rule my head. I can sense when things are not going well or have no upwards potential. Mentally, spiritually and emotionally I know what I deserve and cannot fall in love with less.
I’m so happy you were able to find peace in your path! Faith is an amazing thing! 🙂
I liked the ‘open letter to all men’ a lot. Makes so much sense and it all is very simple really. Now just a thought from a man to all you blogging single moms… It might be just a little scary for us single dads to start dating a blogging mom if we then become subject matter for your blogs!!! LOL
Thank you and you are so right! I think I speak for a lot of bloggers when I say I keep anything that might be personally embarrassing, hurtful or an invasion of privacy totally out of my blog posts. 🙂