With how cheap domestic helper/nanny/maid whatever you want to call it here in Indonesia, has Indonesian become spoil parents?
Granted there are still parents who go against the ‘tradition’ of having their own nanny and plunge headfirst into the unknown role of parenting but it seems a lot of parents – specifically those within the middle-upper class economic status – these days would be on the hunt for a nanny even before they decide which crib to pick.
So when one of my blogger friend questioning about this “nanny nation” trend because she saw a Western family with a baby dining out without a nanny and they seem alright while right on another table she saw local families with their entourage of nannies. She raised a very interesting question after I replied to her tweet “Expat next table: 10 mo baby, no nanny. Indonesian family behind, 4 yrs old on nanny’s lap. Other Indonesian, the whole family eats & nanny watching. What’s wrong?”
Very common sightings in Jakarta mall…
A beautiful preppy Mom in heels carrying a cute tote purse… two small children with their own personal nannies tailing behind her. From a stranger’s point of view…that mom seems like she never lifts a finger to even wipe a stinky butt or miss her beauty sleep.
Yes, it’s one of the perks of living here is nannies are cheap! Usually, for less than $100 a month – or more as they’ll tend to charge more if you’re an expatriate – you can get one from the many nannies agency out there. If both parents are working full time, a nanny can really be a life saver since daycare is not really that popular in Jakarta.
What I fail to understand is the needs to have a nanny for each child. I’ve seen 3 spoil brats with 3 nannies!
Around our apartment I’ve seen a girl probably around 8-9 years old still with a nanny and one day in an elevator this girl – a brat obviously – dropped something on the floor and snapped at the nanny to pick it up. Shocking! Made me wonder where did she learn to treat the nanny that bad? Surprising? I don’t think so!
Back at the mall…
Food court or restaurant scenes – a family is dining out. The nanny would either be trying to feed the children no matter how old they seem or sitting on the nearby table with a cup of water – if she’s lucky!
Of course, there’s a possibility that the nanny already ate at home but it’s just upsetting to see this common sighting. Even my mother who always have a housekeeper (we never have a nanny growing up) made comments sometimes when she sees these poor treatments.
Since we are still nanny-less after our first and last experience with a domestic helper – I refuse to hire a nanny specifically. I just need someone to help me when I have errands to do such as going to the banks and other places that are not very child-friendly and watch Lil’ A at the play area if I’m meeting some friends for lunch and my mom’s housekeeper has been sufficient enough for this.
Substitute nanny paychecks will be double during the Eid holiday where most families are frantically searching for someone to temporarily do the nanny duties. Have Indonesian parents become so strongly dependent on their nannies that they couldn’t even survive without them for 2 weeks? Again, it might be a different scenario for working moms.
Maybe it’s a big city phenomenon but it is truly sad when I saw this picture circulating online.
It’s a quiz for a first-grade student. The Question is: “Whose love does the picture beside describe?” Answers: A. Maid, B.Mother, C. Father.
See the dual irony on the picture? Maybe the child feels more loved by his/her maid aka Nanny. Maybe the Mother is a working mom so the child spends most of his time with the hired help. See how the teacher marked that question as wrong? That’s an honest answer from a child! Maybe the picture was so badly drawn it doesn’t look at all a mother in a first grader’s eyes…but still. It’s sad really.
Personally, I’m not against Nanny but as parents, I wouldn’t want my son to be solely dependable to his Nanny…we want him to grow to be an independent little person.
Not someone who has his every need caters of.
Also, it may have something to do with the facts that we have been raising our son alone since he was born without any helps because we lived far away from our families and this makes it hard on me to trust others to care for him. Even when there are days where I wish I could hop on a plane to Bali and lounge by the beach sipping a margarita!
I think it is important to remember that Nannies are hired to help. Keyword: HELP which means their existence in our household suppose to help and give us that much-needed break once in awhile not replacing our roles as parents, which sadly seems to be forgotten by some parents here.
So do you think Indonesian parents have become too spoiled? How do you feel about nanny?
47 thoughts on “Has Indonesian Parents Became Too Spoiled?”
Congrats on being the 31DBBB featured blogger! Yay! I was so torn as I read your post. I think it would be awesome to have a nanny, not to raise the kid for you, but to give you some freedom to run errands, etc. When my daughter was a baby, I had no family. I never got a break! Ever!
However, what you describe is totally insane! And sad. Why do people have children if they don’t want to spend any time to raise them? I just don’t understand!
Thank you Cheryl!
I agree on having a nanny so you can do errands, etc and I know how it feels because when my son was a baby we never even use a babysitter so granted, we never get to do anything without him.
I’m in awe too as to why…I guess I will never understand unless of course both parents works and have to leave their children at home.
I don’t think they are spoil but having a maid/nanny is more of a tradition they see from the parents so they do the same thing when they got married and have kids.
But then when I was in Jakarta for holiday and saw the kind of situations of some women brought their kids and nannies along to the mall, later on these women talked to some other friends and let the poor nanny dealt with the screaming kids, run around to give them food, not being offered some lunch or dinner then these bossy women yelled at the nanny because the kids went to their mom for some affection or question. Mostly they are too busy with their blackberry or phone, and rather spend their time at the beauty salon. While what I see here in Brisbane is the moms are so busy with the stuff that they have to do or organize sometimes they don’t have time for themselves, ironic isn’t it?
I don’t mind with people hiring a nanny or maid as long as they treat them well, while for some Indonesian people they see nanny or maid as a second class citizen and that is really sad. That’s why a lot of these Indonesian kids doesn’t respect the nanny or maid because they also see their parents doing the same thing.
Hi Mila, I can understand it is part of the culture, even on some parts of Indonesia, family would get helps from their relatives in raising the children, which by the way is great because all helps are appreciated don’t you think?
Oh yes, the mommies and their entourage here are all too common sights, sometimes as an outsider I see the nannies playing a bigger role as mothers to these kids then their own biological mothers. It is sad really.
That’s the way of thinking that I wish people will change here…the way they thinks these hired helps as people below their ‘class’ and you’re right these children will definitely mimics what they see from their parents. It really irritates me when I see children treated their nannies bad but then again the irony is they learned from who?
First, congrats on being the #31DBBB blogger of the day! Second, let me express my shock over this nanny situation. I have never had exposure to any of this in all my born days! Nannies as a given? I am glad to geta peek into other cultures that I might not have otherwise had without the #31DBBBB challenge.
Um, that nannies thing is not working over here in the US. Moms raise their kids. Period. The ones with nannies — we see how they turn out. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan , anyone?
I agree that you should raise your own children. If you REALLY need nannies, should you be having children? Just my thought!
Keep up the great blogging!
Thank you so much for stopping y and your kind words!
Oh so agree with you on how some of today brats came from…poor parenting and look where they all ended up? Either lock in jail or worst in a coffin. Scary stuffs!
I’m not fully against using nannies because they really can help you a lot especially living in a big city and if you’re a working mom, chances are you will have to leave home at the crack of dawn to commute then it will be most likely really late at nigh when you get home. This I can totally understand but I failed to understand the need for one if you’re just a stay at home moms. A housekeeper would be much better than a nanny IMHO.
Thank you again for your visit! 🙂
First, thank you for thinking about me!
Second, I have no idea what the #31DBBBB challenge is, but congrats!
Finally, I am shocked at the affordability of a nanny! Props to you for raising lil A by yourself. Of course, there are occasions when help is warranted but a full time nanny seems extreme to me. Said the childless blogger. Hehehe
31DBBB challenge is 31 Days to Better Build a Better Blog from Pro Blogger. The SITS girls had teamed up with ProBlogger and in result…loads of us are joining in and it’s been fun.
Thanks, girl and I am so happy to have you back!
Hi Maureen! I have two daughters aged 3 and 2 and they both have full – time nannies. I got two nannies because I work full – time at the office and I get home at around 8 or 9 pm. I really felt that each of my children need full attention especially when I’m not around that’s why my husband and I hired two helpers.
But once i get home, I take care of both of my kids and the nannies get to do the remaining house chores or have their leisure time. During weekends, my nannies would alternate to take a day off since I take care of my kids anyway. I just need one to help out with house chores so I can focus on my kids.
It saddens me to hear that nannies over there get treated that way. I take care to treat my nannies just as I would a member of our family. They eat the same food we eat and we treat them with respect. After all, we entrust our children to them and somehow become surrogate parents when we’re away.
Since my children were born, I’ve been wanting to work from home but never got around to find a suitable way to do it. But since my eldest is starting school next year, I’ve resolved to be a WAHM by next year. The desire intensified even more because of the incident I mentioned in Twitter days ago when I discovered the new nanny slapped my daughter’s face.
Even when I become a WAHM, I guess I will still retain one helper not to help me raise my kids but to help me with the chores. Honestly, I’d rather spend all my energy taking care of my kids than keeping house. Not to mention, I also need ME time too.
Hi Jayme, thank you so much for taking the time to collaborate and sharing your personal take on this from a working mom’s point of view.
Like I said before, I understand the needs for nannies when both parents have to work outside the home – even with working from home it would be helpful I think because I know I struggle with this myself whenever I get some freelance work.
From what you’re sharing, it seems like you had found the balance in treating your nannies well and I really am so sorry to hear about your horrible experience with that one nanny. It still makes my blood boil when I think about it.
I like the way you think about them as someone we trust because it should be that way especially when we’re not there. Oh btw, I had given up on having the spotless clean home because I just couldn’t keep up and raising my son alone without nanny/maid. We do have cleaning lady that comes twice a week to do the general heavy cleaning.
Again, thanks for sharing, Jayme! 🙂 Really appreciate it.
#31DBBB Blog O the Day! Congrats! And WOW I cannot believe this nanny post. The girl snapping at the nanny in the elevator. Oh that would so not go over with me.
A friend of mine has a summer nanny because she travels and her hubby works too so they need when the kids are home. It seems though that it is a status symbol more than anything. Annoying. And that quiz question….crazy. And the child answered nanny???? Wow again.
Enjoy your special bloggy recognition day! 🙂
Thank you Barb for stopping by 🙂
Here, it seems to be that way for upper class people. Most of the times, I feel bad for those nannies in their uniforms hurdling all the kids while the moms are too busy with their blackberries.
Congrats on being blog of the day!!
Boy I wish I could get a nanny here for cheap. Just to have a couple hours break or help would be wonderful.
Thank you Sheri! 🙂
I would lie if I don’t feel jealous at times seeing how care-free some of these moms are while I’ve just spent another restless night with a sick boy but it does console me when the little boy gave me a kiss and a big hug saying he love me 😀
First, Congratulations on making it for the B.O.T.D on #31DBBB! Now lets get into this post. My first thought was oh geez a lot of spoiled/rich people, however reading your article made me realize it is just the culture and much cheaper out there then it is here in the United States. I must admit while I would probably only use a nanny as a babysitter it would definitely come in handy. I have four kids, three of which want to play sports this year, which tells me having a personal nanny for each (or two for the family) could definitely be something needed. She could drive them to their sporting events as I make dinner and play with the others, or watch a game. I hate having to tell one no because I can’t duplicate myself into three moms to take each one to their games. Not to mention having a nanny would mean I could run to the store without all four kids in tow. As for the picture though, yeah that was a bit weird because they could take it differently. I almost thought it was a picture of a woman breastfeeding a child, which would’ve made me think mom. Just my thoughts.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts, Elizabeth! 🙂
It is part of the culture but it’s the dependency to them that is seems to be getting worst by the year in my opinion. They would be handy if we have more than one kid but to have one for each kid personally I think that’s too much because I only have one boy and still a stay at home mom. 😀
That picture feels like a sad reminder that some kids feels a lot closer to their nannies than their mother but it could also means because the picture are badly drawn that the first grader might thinks of it as their nannies instead.
This is a great subject, I had no idea that people in Indonesia used Nanny’s or that they were treated badly. In England we don’t have this, I don’t know anyone that uses a nanny but that’s probably because they are quite expensive here. I think it’s really bad that family’s can pass on their own duties as parents onto their nanny’s. Plus having a nanny for each child is ridiculous, kids can entertain themselves and don’t need someone around them all the time to be at their beck and call.
I can understand using a nanny for a little extra help but for each child? Think that might be overdoing it a bit 😛
Wonderful Post 🙂
Hi Gem, thanks for stopping by as usual your visits here are appreciated! 😀
I know in most countries nannies are super expensive and only the richest of rich can afford it but not here. That’s why even when I borrow my mom’s housekeeper (she’s amazing with my son) I had to remind her sometimes not to cater everything to him because I really don’t want him to get too spoil – he’s already spoil from his Grandma hahaha.
Congrats on being the Blog of the Day! I really glad you have been chosen, i like you so much :).
This is very sad that people don’t want to spend any time with their children!
Thank you so much Victoria! I’m so humble because there are so many great blogs out there in our SITStahs community 😀
I think some of these parents are getting too used to have others to help them they tend to handed their jobs as parents to these hired help too much.
Wow, I had no idea that having a Nanny was pretty much the norm over there. I agree with what you have said…they are help…mothers and fathers really need to take a more active role in their children’s lives. They need it. It’s hard doing it on your own, that I know because it’s what we do and sure we could us a break every now and then. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Congrats to you for raising your baby and giving him the love he needs
That being said, I do see the need for them, in cases where both parents work but again, no one can replace Mom and Dad…children need them so desperately.
Congrats on your day! Great topic and post:)
Thank you Melissa, I can relate to doing it on our own because I had to do the same thing while my husband was still working in China and we only got to spent 2 months together as a family out of 12 months but even then I was lucky because I had my family to helps me out – which I’m so grateful for. I agree wholeheartedly that no one can replace Mom and Dad!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts too, Melissa!
Really interesting to see the nanny take from a different culture. I had no idea … thanks for sharing this!
We had a nanny for a few years here. Both my husband and I have full time jobs, but since I work from home, it seemed like a good way to stay at my job, but still see the kids a lot during the day. I definitely did not see our nanny as “help”, but rather a partner in helping to take care of our kids.
Great post… very enlightening!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your own experience with Nanny.
As I’m planning to go back to work, I too will eventually need to get one although I’d stay away from those agency and goes with worth of mouths instead and recommendations. 🙂
Boy, I never knew there was a “nanny addiction”! I have to say, I agree whole heartedly that they are hired “Help” — I think it’s great if the family can afford it, because it also creates a job (with those ramifications too). But I thought the whole point of having children is the joys and challenges of helping to create a special person from a child….?
Thanks Andree! 🙂
I agree with you on creating jobs especially here in Jakarta where there are so many people without one, but I don’t agree with: 1. treating them badly because I was raised to treat them equally as part of the family member even when they are technically helper. 2. relinquishing our parental roles fully to the nannies.
Congrats on being the featured blogger. I know most celebrities have nannies. I prefer the old fashion way of raising my girls myself. On the other hand, I would love to have a maid!
Hi Laura, thank you for stopping by. Oh me too I’d rather have someone who can clean and cook since those two are not my favorite things to do hahaha but the idea of having a live-in housekeeper makes me cringe lol.
This is interesting, I knew nannies were much cheaper in Indonesia but I had no idea it was this much cheaper! I also didn’t know how badly many seem to be treated. Here in the UK it is expensive to hire a nanny and I don’t know anyone with one, people tend to use au pairs more (though I still don’t know anyone with an au pair) and babysitters for the occasional evening out.
I’m not sure what I think about nannies really. I completely understand the need for help sometimes and that for some people it’s the only way they can carry on working. But to be at home and have a full time nanny…I’m not sure and I really don’t see the need for one per child!!
Congrats on being the 31DBBB featured blogger hun!!
I think Au Pairs are more expensive, no?
It’s super cheap here, Sian but they will of course charge me more when they know I’m married to white guy LOL.
Sadly the bad treatments doesn’t only happen here, a lot of severe cases happened in the middle east too where a lot of Indonesian migrant workers work as nannies/maids.
Thank you so much hun! 😀
Pingback: Two things that have been annoying me lately | Amanda's Site
Here in Morocco nannies or maids are very common.
In our flat there’s a space for a nanny/maid > next to the kitchen just room (or space) for a bed and a small night table.
Maids do the cleaning, take care of the kids, cooking…
It was the same in Egypt and UEA.
But how nannies/maids are treated…huh! In UAE their bosses, women, hit them with sticks or slippers, kids treated them like trash…not nice to watch/hear.
Here in Casa I haven’t seen anything bad…yet.
I couldn’t have a stranger living with us.
But I could have a cleaner once a week…and probably will after summer… 🙂
Have a great weekend!
Oh yeah I’ve read/heard plenty of horror stories of how inhumanely some of these migrant workers are being treated in the middle east. There are a lot of Indonesian worker there too.
That’s exactly what my husband said “I can’t live with a stranger in our home” when I was trying to find a housekeeper so instead we got ourselves a part-time one but too bad we had to let her go LOL.
Thank you and hope you are enjoying a wonderful weekend in Casa! 😀
Good for you for writing this! I had no idea it was so widespread in Jakarta. I think farming out raising kids is something people should not take lightly either. The psyche of a child, when it comes to feeling loved by his/her parents can be severely disturbed if the nanny seems like the care person the majority of the time. I totally get that people just don’t have the time these days to do it all. I see it in America, too….as a SAHM when I go to the park or to an indoor play area, nannies are everywhere. A lot of people get them cheap from Mexico. And you know what I notice? 9 out of 10 of these nannies pay NO attention to the children. They make sure they’re safe. That’s all. No conversation, no teaching, no enjoying. Not good. I will say, I would LOVE a HELPER…someone to clean the house, to run the errands, to go to the grocery store, and to cook. Because I could really spend all my time with my kids then. Being a SAHM, doing it all, I still feel like I can’t give my kids enough quality time. BRAVO! I can see how you might have struck a nerve on this one. But, I agree with you.
Thanks Erin, yeah I was nervous about this because Indonesians might get offended by my opinion on this.
Oh so true about how some nannies are not even doing their job wholeheartedly that’s exactly the reason I had to let go our first and last helper…she’s not showing signs that she’s interested in my son, as if she doesn’t really want to be around him and it scares me to think that if I’m around and she’s already showing these sings what’s going to happen if I’m not home? Scary!
It is hard doing it alone but so rewarding too. That’s why I really admire lots of moms back in the States of how they can take care of more than one child without nannies! Here, I ‘borrow’ my mom’s housekeeper because she’s basically madly in love with my son. She will teach him not to follow those bigger kids if they’re playing too rough at the playground and didn’t even hesitate in telling those kids to stop being rowdy LOL. Wish I can clone her but she’s been a great help. Without her I could never go for lunch with friends as my boy would be too bored to sit and eat with people he doesn’t really know, so when I go for lunch with friends which is something I rarely do, I will ‘borrow’ her and drop them off at a play area/playground.
Thanks again, Erin! 🙂
I once had the nanny/maid/helper debate with a bunch of friends: an Indonesian girl (“I can’t imagine how can people have children without servants!”), a Danish girl (“I’d have to win the lottery to afford even a part-time helper!”), an Englishman (“huh?”) and this here Costa Rican (“There is NO WAY I’ll clean my house when it’s so cheap to have someone do it!”)
A helper you can afford? Hell yeah!
Someone who takes over as parent? Not so.
An extra pair of hands for wiping/feeding/rescuing/tickling? By all means.
But everyone who knows me knows I’m a spoiled brat with a live-in nanny who adores my child, so who am I to judge? 😉
Hahahaha I think I just fell in love with you, girl!
Like many of the other people who have commented, I agree that parents need to be active in their kids lives. That being said, not everyone has a situation that allows for their parents to be there a lot. Some families have to have both parents working full time. It isn’t even negotiable. We decided that I would stay home no matter what…well almost. We have cut back on many luxury things and gone with only necessities so that I could just work from home very part time. That worked for us.
Hi Jean, thanks for stopping by and sharing your own thoughts too.
Like you, I can totally understand the need of having nannies to assist the parents.
It’s great that you got it all figured out, girl! 😀
Pingback: Tweets that mention Is Indonesian Parents Spoil? -- Topsy.com
I don’t get why stay at home moms would need a nanny. There are these mother’s day out programs here, and they start as young as 6 months old. they are 3 days a week, from 9-2. i don’t get why someone who stays home with her kids, would turn around and send them away 3 days a week!
Here too Liz, I can’t tell you how many times I got peeved when people look at my son and asked “He’s not in school yet?” and bombarded me with more questions as if I’m a bad mom simply because my son isn’t taking Kumon course yet or stuffs like that.
I find the whole deal of nannies as very disturbing and heart-wrenching in all honestly. I feel very sorry for the kids of parents that do not want to take care of or spend time with their kids.
I am not talking about the parents that cannot, that have to have a child babysat or in day care due to work reasons, in order to provide for their family. I am talking about the parents that choose to have someone look over their kids like that are burdens or mere obligations to be shoved onto other people. Rather than living, breathing little humans that need their parents love.
They may be ‘spoiled’ in worthless material things, but what they really need, love (and from their parents not a stranger getting paid to look after them) they are not getting. And that makes me feel very sad for the kids involved and I would not consider them privileged at all.
I’m totally with you Sarah. Of course I understand the needs when both parents are working outside. These kids with parents who ‘give’ them nannies 24/7 sometimes each have their own personal nannies are also showered with expensive toys – worthless material things like you said and it is really sad to see these kids turn into selfish spoil adults who will feel that the world owe them things.
I have no idea what 31DBBB is but congratulations for being featured. I’ll google it next.
If nannies weren’t so very expensive here in the states, I would have considered one when my boys were younger. Being a single parent, it would have made things so much easier. Are there a lot of single moms over in India?
˘Ħăª˚⌣˚Ħăª˚=D˚Ħăª˘•=)) love it! Might even more shocking sometimes they have more nannies than children haahhaha Indonesian people esp. High carrer women and high society ( socialite) they don’t like get their hands “dirty” .. Personally even though I can afford a nanny I won’t have one. I want to have every momment with my baby.. I resigned from work and become full time mummy which probably the best thing that ever happened to me.. And no as a child I didn’t have nanny.. 3 kids my mum hav and only one helper ( she helped her because, she needed a job and place to stay). And one thing I don’t like about nanny is that awfull, ridiculous, unattractive uniform.. Yaaaikkss.. Btw, my name is Gadsya I have 5,5 month Baby named Joshua and I currently live in Scotland.. I’m from Indonesia 🙂 helllow mums !! *waving*
When I was in Manhattan with my family a few years ago, my mom and I took my boys to play in the park. Between my mother and I, there was a pair of watchful eyes on both of my children at all times. The vast majority of the other kids there were accompanied by their nannies. Said nannies were sitting either talking to each other or with their noses in their books, and they weren’t paying a smidgeon of attention to the kids they were supposed to be minding. Seeing that was a bit of a culture shock for me – it was as if taking the kids to the park was just something for the nannies to check off on a to do list.
The idea of nannies is completely foreign to me. I grew up in a society where everyone had a maid to clean the house and do the laundry. But the parenting was left up to the actual parents. Today, my younger son goes to an after-school program, and we enlist the help of a babysitter for specific things. But we would never even consider having a full-time nanny. I want to parent my kids myself.