Parenting Without Bubble Wrap

For the past few months, I’ve carried a huge heavy cloud of fears above my head. It’s invisible to the outside world.

I am fortunate to have a partner who truly holds compassion and kindness in his every essence of being. With him, I shared my fears. I let my guards down and wept for the worst-case scenario that might happen in my son’s life. He allowed me to be sad but never self-pity.

Gently with a firm loving gesture, he helps me shift my focus.

From that motherly instinct to protect your child from pain to just be completely there for him as he digests the circle of life.

He needs to know he is loved, M. No matter what the circumstances are in life.” My partner, D would say.

Parenting Without Bubble Wrap

As I struggle with my ex-husband’s ugly prognosis. He has stage 4 lung cancer and it doesn’t look good. I found myself in deep sadness. Sadness for him, the father of my son. Sadness for my son who took the news better than I expected. Sadness for his new family. Sadness for his whole family.

I wanted to wrap my son and protect him from the ugly truth.

Yet I can’t bubble wrap him to downplay how serious his father’s condition really is. I thanked my ex for explaining his condition to our boy in a way that made him hopeful for his father’s recovery. Yet, there’s still a part of me that feels devastated and full of what ifs.

All we could do is love him hard and be there for him.” My D would gently remind me whenever he sensed I am losing my balanced and panic crept in.

Then it hits me, if I panic my son would pick up on that vibes and might start panicking too. I am after all the grownup in this situation. I’m the one who has been through loss, sets of grieves, and sorrows. When I am calm and collected and reassured him that the turbulence is just a few moments in our lives that we will sail through it with love and hope.

Realized I could not shield my son from pain, from disappointments, from troubles. Bubble wrap or whatever shield I may use would only paralyze him from the chance to grow lifted the heaviness in my heart in a way. Every moment in his life is a teachable moment. Given the opportunity for him to learn about how life works.

We survived the end of his parents’ marriage. We will survive whatever life will bring to us next. I will hold his hand and assure him that what may feel like pain, tribulations, challenges, and disappointments are given to us, to him to allow him to become the person he was born to be. A loving, kind, responsible human being.

We discussed openly his father’s cancer. I asked how he feels and I try to answer his questions as much as I could. From what caused cancer to whether will I get one myself or not. His growing mind needs reassurance.

Universe Has Your Back

Two Fridays ago, as I tidy up my desk at work (yes I went back to work, more about that in a later post), one of the bosses asked me what I had planned for the weekend.

I’m taking my son to see his father tomorrow.

Then the short talk somehow led me to share with her about my ex’s cancer. The genuinely concerned look on her face made my voice tremble a little.

Maureen, do you want to talk to one of our counselors here? I’m sure they’ve dealt with this before and they could guide you to help your son through these difficult times.

My voice shake, and tears started to fill my eyes as I thanked her and said I would accept all kinds of support I could get as I realized we will need the help.

Again, the Universe sends people my way that brings kindness when life feels suffocating. Sometimes help comes in the most unexpected ways. As if life taps you on the shoulder and whispers “Everything will be fine, my child. Just trust the process and be grateful always no matter what.

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9 thoughts on “Parenting Without Bubble Wrap

  1. Alli Smith Reply

    It’s sad that your son’s father has stage-4 cancer and I know, as a parent myself, how hard it is to watch your son go through this terrible pain. I think you’re doing a wonderful job!

  2. Love You Wedding Reply

    Cancer is such a horrible disease and to see a loved one waste away is devastating. I know this is a difficult time for you, but I will pray that you and your son will find strength and comfort. Trust in God. Everything happens according to his Divine Plan. Hugs!

  3. Franc Ramon Reply

    We can’t control everything and no matter how we’d love to shield our kids trough pains. We just have to be there when they need us and make sense out of everything.

  4. Teresa Reply

    God does put people in our path at the right time when we need them. It is whether or not we see them. I hope this outcome is positive.

  5. Kiwi Reply

    Im not a mom yet but I can see how a parent can feel helpless in certain situation. People dont become parents to children to save every problem sometimes its just a lesson for you and child.

  6. danik Reply

    I have a 10 month old daughter, first time parent and hopefully my only child 😉 I thought I be living in fear before the birth but to be honest, naturally the bubble wrap has gone and living life to the max. Its great fun!

  7. Amanda Love Reply

    That’s true, we can’t protect our kids from harm forever and there will come a time that they would have to face the world and deal with challenges. You’re doing your best and he is getting so much support from you. You both can do it.

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