Why Self-love Matters

Why Self-love Matters

I just wish my story would be as incredible as yours….

That’s one of the many comments I received on Facebook several days ago.

Let me tell you why, dear friends…

All of us have our journeys in this life. We all have our paths that we must live. Each life differs from another. That’s how uniquely God has created every one of us. Even if you are twins, your life will be different despite the similarities, right?

My story…my journey has been full of ups and downs. Although I am now engaged (update: we called off the engagement and went our separate ways in 2018), we still don’t have it easy. Like any other relationship, there are things to compromise and learn that allow us to grow together as a couple and as individuals.

Why Self-Love Matters


The most important relationship we can have is the one with ourselves. Steve Maraboli said it best: “The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”

Seriously, this is one thing I keep telling all the members of Single Moms Indonesia…love yourself first and foremost.

It is essential to start with this whole self-love – and mind you. Self-love is not narcissistic! So then, why is self-love so crucial? Because, in the end, we are only responsible for our actions, choices, and outcome, and that’s the only thing we can control. We can’t even control our children – we may try, but ultimately we own all our actions and choices.

Also, when we love ourselves, we have boundaries. We stick to those boundaries, and others will respect them. We will not allow others to treat us in ways that are not acceptable. Again, boundaries help us in the long run. We will not fall for the wrong men with the idea that one day we can fix them because our times are too precious to play saviors for others.

I’ve been there before, desperately trying hard to find love because I thought that love would complete me. That love will finally make me happy. Dating different men will not make me happy. Depending on men to feel validated as a desirable woman? Huge mistake and one that ended up leaving me feeling emptier than before.

Friends, I’ve been there before, so what I’m writing here comes from my heart and the scars left behind by poor choices.

It is no one’s job to make me happy. I owe it to myself to make me happy, and it would be so unfair to demand someone to make me happy, right? I recognized this with my first marriage, which ended badly, but I needed that to open my eyes up. Without my divorce, I would never come on this journey of self-love, self-discoveries, and growth.

My divorce gave me a second chance in life, so I thanked my ex-husband.

So how can we love ourselves when we don’t have thigh gaps (who invented this trend anyway?! It needs to go away!), we need to lose weight…our boobs are too small (or too big!)? I will love myself once I lose these stubborn weights! I used to think that way too.

Loving ourselves is a conscious decision that we make daily. Yes, there are days when it’s difficult and challenging. That’s normal. Hey, that’s life!

Therein lie your power…when we love ourselves.

Loving ourselves can start with changing our inner voices. You know, those voices that berated us. The ones that say, “Oh, you’re fat!” or “You are not good enough…” when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Try to change that voice.

It starts by saying, “I love, honor, and accept myself unconditionally…” daily. Try it. I know it may feel awkward at first, but once you get used to it, it is beautiful.

No matter where we are or what kind of hardship we face, be gentle with ourselves. When we feel the love from within us, we will feel gratitude, and this will radiate outside, and the universe will return that to us. I genuinely believe this. Like attracts like, remember?

So instead of focusing so much on “When will I meet that right guy…” let’s shift that to “I’m going to spend this time loving myself fully.

Self-love is not selfish; it starts with “me” to build a strong “we.” Think of it as the foundation of a beautiful happy life.

So let’s love us first and foremost, shall we, ladies?


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31 thoughts on “Why Self-love Matters

  1. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) Reply

    Someone said a long time ago that we can’t love anyone else if we don’t love ourselves. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thank you for your kind words, Jenn. On difficult days, I made myself read this and it pulled me right back in to love.

  2. Alli Reply

    I totally agree that you can’t really love others fully until you first love yourself. So many people are busy comparing themselves to others and finding themselves lacking, that they don’t stop to count the blessings in their life. We all need a good dose of healthy self-esteem.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Comparison can be the thief of joy if we let it consume our lives isn’t? I love that, a good dose of healthy self-esteem! 🙂 Thank you Alli!

  3. Megan Elford Reply

    Yes, you’re absolutely right! We get bogged down with negativity that we wouldn’t wish on our enemies, but we need to be more positive and gracious with ourselves!

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thank you Megan. It is so easy to fall into being the biggest bully to ourselves…I am still learning to always be kind to myself 🙂

  4. Jaime Nicole Reply

    This is a really great topic. There is a lot of emphasis on being better than others, or defining oneself in terms of others’ measure of value or success. It is so important to have a good relationship with self as a foundation for others.

  5. Heather Reply

    I love reading your post! You are so right! I have had some friends that choose people in their lives that are very bad for them and it’s hard not to say anything, but the clear reasons I see these women choosing the wrong men in their lives is the fact that they don’t value themselves. You can see it by their actions. To teach self worth to your children, you have to “have” self worth.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thank you for your kind words, Heather. I have seen friends who also follow that same pattern you mentioned, it’s really sad and I wish I could make them see how valuable they are and how much they deserves more. I love that you mentioned our children, it is very important to teach them early on.

  6. Amanda Reply

    You are so incredibly right that if we want to have a happy life and good relationships, we must start with the relationship we have with ourselves. So glad your journey has ended up where you needed to be–and happily so!

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Amanda. I’m still learning too and yes I am so happy to be in the place I am today 🙂 Wishing you well!

  7. Elizabeth O. Reply

    Self-love is important, especially for women. It’s similar to self respect and people without self respect normally succumb to a life of abuse, because you’re okay with people treating you with how they want to treat you.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      So agree with you that self love is linked with self respect because if we respect ourselves enough, then we will have boundaries and will not put up with abuse etc. Thank you for your comment, Eliz!

  8. Mia Reply

    So true. One of my most important realizations is that nobody lives a 100% perfect life. Everyone has their own struggles in life, so there’s no point in comparing yourself with everyone else. They might have a better career and a bigger house than you, but you will most likely have something that they don’t have. It’s impossible to have everything.

    • Maureen Post authorReply

      Absolutely true, Mia 🙂 With social media, it’s so easy to compare our lives with what people choose to portray online isn’t it? Love your attitude tho!

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