“I just wish my story would be as incredible as yours….”
That’s one of the many comments I received on Facebook several days ago.
Let me tell you why, dear friends…
All of us have our journeys in this life. We all have our paths that we must live. Each life differs from another. That’s how uniquely God has created every one of us. Even if you are twins, your life will be different despite the similarities, right?
My story…my journey has been full of ups and downs. Although I am now
engaged (update: we called off the engagement and went our separate ways in 2018), we still don’t have it easy. Like any other relationship, there are things to compromise and learn that allow us to grow together as a couple and as individuals.
Why Self-Love Matters
The most important relationship we can have is the one with ourselves. Steve Maraboli said it best: “The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself.”
Seriously, this is one thing I keep telling all the members of Single Moms Indonesia…love yourself first and foremost.
It is essential to start with this whole self-love – and mind you. Self-love is not narcissistic! So then, why is self-love so crucial? Because, in the end, we are only responsible for our actions, choices, and outcome, and that’s the only thing we can control. We can’t even control our children – we may try, but ultimately we own all our actions and choices.
Also, when we love ourselves, we have boundaries. We stick to those boundaries, and others will respect them. We will not allow others to treat us in ways that are not acceptable. Again, boundaries help us in the long run. We will not fall for the wrong men with the idea that one day we can fix them because our times are too precious to play saviors for others.
I’ve been there before, desperately trying hard to find love because I thought that love would complete me. That love will finally make me happy. Dating different men will not make me happy. Depending on men to feel validated as a desirable woman? Huge mistake and one that ended up leaving me feeling emptier than before.
Friends, I’ve been there before, so what I’m writing here comes from my heart and the scars left behind by poor choices.
It is no one’s job to make me happy. I owe it to myself to make me happy, and it would be so unfair to demand someone to make me happy, right? I recognized this with my first marriage, which ended badly, but I needed that to open my eyes up. Without my divorce, I would never come on this journey of self-love, self-discoveries, and growth.
My divorce gave me a second chance in life, so I thanked my ex-husband.
So how can we love ourselves when we don’t have thigh gaps (who invented this trend anyway?! It needs to go away!), we need to lose weight…our boobs are too small (or too big!)? I will love myself once I lose these stubborn weights! I used to think that way too.
Loving ourselves is a conscious decision that we make daily. Yes, there are days when it’s difficult and challenging. That’s normal. Hey, that’s life!
Therein lie your power…when we love ourselves.
Loving ourselves can start with changing our inner voices. You know, those voices that berated us. The ones that say, “Oh, you’re fat!” or “You are not good enough…” when we look at ourselves in the mirror. Try to change that voice.
It starts by saying, “I love, honor, and accept myself unconditionally…” daily. Try it. I know it may feel awkward at first, but once you get used to it, it is beautiful.
No matter where we are or what kind of hardship we face, be gentle with ourselves. When we feel the love from within us, we will feel gratitude, and this will radiate outside, and the universe will return that to us. I genuinely believe this. Like attracts like, remember?
So instead of focusing so much on “When will I meet that right guy…” let’s shift that to “I’m going to spend this time loving myself fully.”
Self-love is not selfish; it starts with “me” to build a strong “we.” Think of it as the foundation of a beautiful happy life.
So let’s love us first and foremost, shall we, ladies?