“You are so strong…” friends would often say that.
And I sigh because I am not always that strong.
The truth is I am only human.
There are moments where the weight of the world feels just too much to bear and I just want to breathe without feeling suffocating.
There are times where I bawled eyes out behind closed doors
Having to stretch yourself out to make sure your son is feeling loved, the bills are paid, his school lunches are paid off, and to discipline him when it is needed.
Sometimes it takes a toll on me.
And I just wanted to cry it out.
So no, I am not always that strong.
This journey hasn’t been easy.
You Are Enough!
There are moments where I feel like I am running on empty. Even with his tremendous support and love, I still have bad days. Days where I just told myself “This too shall pass…”
There are days where exhaustion got the best of me and I barely have the energy to keep up with my son.
“Just roll with the punches and do the best that you can…” sometimes I have to pep talk myself that way when things get too much to handle. When frustration left me in tears wanting to throw my hands up in the air and shout profanities.
He is trying his best to help out. He spends times talking to my son, listening to his chatter about games, about boy stuffs that I could never relate to. He answers his wondering minds as if he has been doing this fatherhood gig his whole life.
I am grateful for him.
Yet, there are still moments where I doubt myself if I am good enough mother if I do enough.
And when those doubts creep in I try to inhale…deep breath…inhale…exhale…
“Yes, you are good enough!”
“Yes, you do your best and that alone is enough!”
“Yes, your son loves you despite all of your shortcomings!”
If you are a single mom, how do you handle your bad days? Share away.
Beautifully said! I think so many of us as moms put so much pressure on ourselves. I too have had moments of bawling my eyes out and feeling like I suck as a mom and I’m not doing everything I said I would do (or wouldn’t do). And then, like you said, I remember I’m human, and I am loving and caring and she’s happy and that’s the what’s most important.
I’m not a single mom. I have great respect for you. I would say just remember you are never truly alone, that you always have someone in your support network that will help you when you need it.
I know you may feel you are not always strong, but I see you as an inspiration, yes you are just being you, but who you are is beautiful and I love reading your words.
I know this feeling all to well. though, I am not a single mom, I do most of the child rearing. It is hard, because my son has Autism, and my daughter is 4 (attitude like shes 16). I question myself daily…am I doing enough. I doubt that I will ever feel as if I have done all that I could. I welcome what help I get from my husband, but I still feel like I am going it alone, which only makes my doubts worse. I am still trying to figure out how to calm myself on a bad day, after I have managed to get the kids settled. Maybe I should try some mantras…for what its worth, I think you are doing a great job, and yes your son will always love you, faults and all 🙂
I’m in the middle of an overwhelming situation right now too, on so many fronts. Realizing it’s just a season helps tremendously.