As our support group – Single Moms Indonesia – is growing rapidly, I hear more and more stories from members of their heartaches and pain.
With 135 members spread across Indonesia and some overseas, there are bound to be stories that pull on your heartstrings the most.
I found myself going through old blog posts written during some of my life’s lowest, darkest times for the world to see. Just so I can show some of the ladies that their feelings are valid, normal. I, too, have been there before.
I, too, have been scared!
And as I read page after page of my dark thoughts, I realized what a different person I was back then when I put my broken heart and soul into those words. My wounded soul.
Realizing how much I could relate to these women and their struggles, from letting resentment and anger go to co-parenting issues. I was once in their shoes. Blisters and all.
Your Stories Matter
When I wrote some of the things I wrote on this blog, I did it for Maureen. Writing has always been and will always be my therapeutic outlet. Some of those writings have never made it out to the public view.
I, too, blamed God!
I cried myself to sleep at night, asking God, “Why me?!” with fists thrown in the air in desperation. I fed my anger of “You did my wrong” to my ex, not realizing I, too, had played some role in the failure of my first marriage. It took me much soul-searching to finally be able to own my mistakes. To take responsibility for my choices that led him and me to divorce.
Took me a long time to embrace acceptance and be at peace with what had happened.
I, too, spent many months going around in a circle of self-loathing and self-hate and feeding the “poor me” mentality.
“When did you get to this point in your life?” one of the members asked
Wow…quite a question. When? Did I remember to mark on the calendar that I had arrived somewhere? No…I honestly don’t remember when I arrived here at this point.
This…where I am today is not quite the destination I wanted. Not yet, at least. There is still more work to be done, so many things to learn, and there is a lot more growing to do. Life is a journey, after all.
My life today is content. I am happy with how things have turned out, and I couldn’t be more grateful for how I ‘arrived’ at this point. I even thanked my ex-husband for letting me go so I could re-discover myself, which led me to where I am today.
Healing doesn’t just happen.
One must want to be healed first. Healing comes in different forms. Addressing the fundamental issues one by one and moving forwards step by step. Healing is a process.
The journey continues, and I will continue to share stories because, as it turns out, they matter. I would never have thought the things I wrote over six years ago would be relatable to some of our support group members. I never imagined someone would message me and ask, “How do you heal?”
By all means, I am no expert. I am still learning. I still have a lot to learn and things to overcome. Yet I am so honored and extremely humbled to be able to tell these ladies that I understand their feelings and they are not alone. We always have a choice, to continue learning and then strive or to give up and waste our precious life living in anger and resentment.